there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
