Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
