he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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