i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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