Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
someone get that fucking seahorse.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
