Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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