I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
