I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
