i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
