i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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