And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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