please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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