I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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