we have pet lesbian snakes
I am midnight drunk by noon
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
