Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
