you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
