Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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