My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
