I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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