It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
