so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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