she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
