I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
