i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
