Im at strip club and am horny
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
