Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
