I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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