This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
