Will you blow on my dice?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
