Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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