i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
