booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
