A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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