He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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