even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
