Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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