it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
did you just send me my own nude
He? As in you personified your dick?
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