I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
