Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
