Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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