And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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