help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
