words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
