six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
