from now on my penis is your penis
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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