i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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