I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize