all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
