Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
