They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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