I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
