You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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