): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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