I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
