I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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