your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
