Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
