my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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