No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
