I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
