i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
