He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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