Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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