A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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