Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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