this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
