Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
