Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
