you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
