Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
