i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
