Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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