There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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