At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
