hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
