God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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