Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
