wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
